Two cavemen, a man and a woman, sit next to each other in a cave. They sit by a fire. Suddenly, the man’s arm reaches out and slaps the woman on the arm. She looks up from a bone she is chewing on and shrugs away and keeps eating. He does it again. She once again strikes back and continues on her bone.

Man: Aaaagh!
She looks up from her bone and at him.
Man: Aaaagh!
They stare at each other for a long moment before she goes back to her bone. They sit in silence.
Man: Aaaaaagh!!!
The man explodes, stands up, takes the woman’s bone from her and flings it.
Man: Aaaaaagh!!!
The man stands over her as she continues to sit there, boneless. The woman then stands and calmly goes and retrieves her bone. Sits back down and starts eating once more.
The man is disturbed, but does not react again. They sit there while she eats.
Man: Aaaaagh!!!!!
The man once again stands up and goes for the bone. She runs from him. He quickly catches her and he grabs the bone once more and flings it away. This time he has the woman in his arms. She flails wildly. He lays her down and stands over her.
Man: Bumba!
Woman: Ba!
Man: Bumba!
Woman: Ba!
Man: Bumba!!!
Woman: Ba!!!
Man: Bumba!

The man jumps on top of her and tries to take her clothes off. The two fight viciously rolling around the floor until the woman gets the upper hand by hitting him in the crotch with the recovered bone. He rolls off of her in pain.

Woman: Ba! Ba! Ba!!!

The man writhes in pain. The woman takes her bone and continues to eat in the corner. The man looks at her, but does not attack again. After a moment he stands and begins to walk around the cave looking for something. The woman watches him. He exits and returns a moment later with a small flower.

Man: Bumba!
Woman: Ba!

She takes the flower and tosses it aside.
The man scratches his head. He then quickly stands up and begins strutting around the cave like a peacock trying to impress her.

Man: (in a singsong manner as he struts around) Ah bah da bah ah dah bah bah…

He finishes with his arms on his hips and his loins thrust outward.

Woman: heeheehee.

Man (now angry): Bumba!!!

The woman senses the impending violence and stands up and begins to run away. The man chases the woman around the cave until the woman stops in a corner holding out the bone that has once again become a weapon.

Suddenly another man and woman enter giggling.. He carries this woman, lays her down and they begin to roll around in each other’s arms. Suddenly this other woman notices the couple in the cave and rolls away from the man.

Woman 2: Ahbaba ah ba na!

The two run out of the cave, but the man’s wreathed headband made of vines and flowers is left behind. The man goes to the headband and picks it up. He then once again begins to strut around the cave with newfound aplomb now that he is adorned with the fancy headdress. He once more finishes his prance with a flourish.

Woman: heeheeheee
Man: Aaaaaagggh!!!

The man throws the crown from his head and chases after the woman once more. He gets her and this time holds her as she kicks.

Woman: Ah bah na bah ah bah nah ba. Bah ah bah nah bah ah bah bah nah. Ah Bumba!

The man puts her down.

Woman: Ah bah nah bah ah bah bah.

She motions for him to walk to the other side of the cave.

Woman (waving him away) Ah bah bu.

The man does as he is told.

Woman: Ah banna ot a banu…ah, na…

The man reluctantly places his hands over his eyes and turns around.

She sneaks up on him and jumps on his back. He begins to do movements around the cave with her on his back. They both sing unintelligible words together. After a moment he drops her on the floor.

Enter Another Caveman

The caveman enters the cave in a fury, looks around, sees the cavewoman on the ground ready to go, picks her up and they go off happily together.

The First caveman sits on his haunches. Unhappy.

The couple comes back. The Second caveman drops her on the ground, turns and exits also in a fury.

The couple sit on their haunches together. Silent. After a moment, a cold cavewoman comes in and sits on her haunches. She doesn’t notice either of them. After a moment she notices them and especially the man who sits in silence for a few moments rubbing the dirt, making the second cavewoman blush. He suddenly leaps up.

Firtst Caveman: Aaaaugh!

He picks up the woman who squeals with laughter as she is carted off to make bumba.

The First cavewoman sits alone. Unhappy.

The first caveman comes back alone. He sits on his haunches. Silence. After a moment he leaps over and sits right next to her. After a moment he quickly reaches out and snatches her hand and holds it just looking straight ahead. The first cavewoman smiles.

Published in: on August 31, 2010 at 2:35 pm  Leave a Comment  

Leopold Loses

Yes mom
Come down to supper.
Whats for supper mom?
You like stew dad?
Does Jimmy like stew?
I hate stew! Mom, Leopold is trying to make me say that I like stew!
Oh, leave Leopold alone. He’s just trying to figure things out.
So, if you like stew and you hate stew and I like stew, sometimes, and mom likes stew, then why do they name people after stews, when stew is only so-so? Like the Stewarts? What about Ronnie Stewart? Jimmy knows Ronnie Stewart. Does his family like stew?
Mom, tell Leopold to shut up!
Shut up yourself you demon’s calf and go and hush up there. Your brother Leopold is reading them books. You ever see how fast he goes through em? Jimmy, stop, look over there at your brother. Do you think Leopold is “normal.”
Leopold’s crazy.
No he’s not. He’s special. He’s smarter than both you and I. I need you to understand that Jimmy, Leopold is smarter ‘en you.
That dummy is smarter than me?
Yes, he is. He’s way smarter en you. He’s got what they call you’uns, see? See? An IQ test and he’s off the friggin charts and he’s young yet, okay? You was young once.
Never as young as Leopold. Leopold’s the baby! Hahahahahahh!

Published in: on August 25, 2010 at 6:29 pm  Leave a Comment  


There has been some discussion here at the campsite about the sometimes necessary need for good writing. While the management has taken that into consideration many times, there were also times when the words were left there on the page to fend for themselves. Editorially perusing backwards in time, the management here at the offices of the fklc agree with the reader that sometimes something could have been made clearer. However, we in no way indemnify fargo kantrowitz, author of the heresaid work, as purposefully re-directing his reading audience away from the properly written word for any purposes of intent, malice, lack of straight-forwardness or

This is the Fargo Kantrowitz’z Literary Campsite

Published in: on August 23, 2010 at 2:48 pm  Leave a Comment