We’re Fish (short play performed at KGPA)

The two fish stare at the dead body. Athelwaite has a strange look on his face and shakes oddly.

Athelwaite: Oh well. Nothing to see here. But codfish! Something smells good. I mean, probably nothing. Let’s go.

Mabry: Wait, wait, give me a minute. This might be something.

Mabry swims a little closer. Athelwaite sort of blocks him and keeps him back.

Athelwaite: No, no, you go on. I’ll take care of this. I’m not sure I like this. This is dangerous, Mabry, this is real da…

Worm: Squeek, squeek, squeek

Their heads turn in unison. They notice the worm for the first time.

Mabry: (to the worm) Mind? What do you mean, do I mind?

Athelwaite: You’ve gotta be kidding me. Is that worm talking?

Worm: Squeek, squeek, squeek

Mabry: Yes, Athelwaite, that worm is talking.

Athelwaite: I’ll be gosh darned.

Worm: Squeek, squeek, squeek

Mabry: (to the worm) Indeed, if this is the solution you seek, I could accommodate,
however, we’re fish…

Worm: Squeek, squeek, squeek, squeek

Mabry: I didn’t get that.

Worm: Squeek, squeek, squeek, squeek, squeekeekeek

Mabry: Oh, I guess I can see your point,

Worm: Squeek

Mabry: Well, let’s think about this. He seems…

Worm: Squeek, squeek

Mabry: Oh, I’m sorry, She seems to be concerned about her gooey part being stuck to that string. She’s afraid it will be the end of her.

Athelwaite: On top of that she does look delicious.

Worm: Squeek, squeek, squeek,

Mabry: He didn’t mean it. Athelwaite, relax…

Athelwaite: I’m sorry.

Mabry: You should be.

Athelwaite: Wait, wait, wait, what are you talking about? Did I not watch you eat a minnow yesterday. They’re kinda cute aren’t they? Whatever.

Mabry: You can’t say that a minnow has a soul.

Athelwaite: No, why not?

Mabry: Because it’s foood!

Worm: Squeek

Mabry: Look what you’ve made me do! (then to the worm) I’m sorry, I understand your position. Now, Athelwaite, let me do the talking…even if I do enjoy a nice minnow now and then.

Athelwaite: No, no, it’s okay. I gotta hear this.

Mabry: Tell me and Athelwaite what happened.

Athelwaite: I can’t see what we can do here anyway (Mabry inches a little closer)…you goin’ in?

Mabry: No!

Athelwaite: Oh, I thought you were goin’ in.

Mabry: Shush!

Athelwaite: Shushin.

Worm: Squeek, squeek, squeek, squeek, squeek squeek squeek squeek

Mabry: Uh,huh.

Worm: Squeek squeek squeek squeek squeek squeek squeek squeek eek eek

Mabry: Your mother And father?

Worm: Squeek

Mabry: Go on.

Worm: Squeek squeek squeek squeek squeek squeek

Mabry: How horrible. All together in one little container?

Worm: Squeek. squeek squeek

Mabry: Uh huh.

Worm: Squeek squeek squeek

Mabry: Oh, God. I’m going to be sick. That thing? (referring to the dead fisherman)

Athelwaite: But it doesn’t even move, Mabry.

Mabry: She says it does.

Athelwaite: And you’re buying it? It’s obvious what’s happening here. This worm wants you to believe that she has just gone through the most horrific experience of her life so you don’t EAT her. She’s food!

Mabry: Are you done?

Athelwaite: Yes, I’m done. She’s food, Mabry. Food! Do you understand it? Are you daft?

Mabry: Are you done now?

Athelwaite: I’m done now.

Worm: Squeek.

Mabry: I know. I’m sorry. Athelwaite, will you go over there, please.

Athelwaite: But why?

Mabry: Because I don’t like you very much right now. Go.

Worm: Squeek

Mabry: I know. I know… Athelwaite, Go!

Athelwaite: Oh, alright

(Athelwaite inches over and continues to listen in)

Mabry: Listen, I know you’ve been through a lot and I really do want to help you, but you must understand that your story is difficult to believe. Whatever that thing is, the fact is very clear that it does not move and couldn’t possibly have done what you say it has done.

Athelwaite: She’s lying, Mabry. She’s lying! You going in? You going in?

Mabry: Back…

Worm: Squeek, squeek, squeek squeek squeek

Athelwaite: See!!! A confession!

Mabry: (concerned) What do you mean? (to the worm)

Worm: Squeek, squeek, squeek, squeek,

Mabry: Hm hmm

Worm: Squeek, squeek, squeek, squeek

Mabry: I see

Athelwaite: I told you, Mabry. I told you.

Mabry: That means nothing.

Athelwaite: But she said so! She wanted it. She wasn’t some sort of victim. She wanted to be down here with us so that I, so that we, well, we’ll work that out, so that she could…

Mabry: Be eaten? You’re ludicrous. She just wanted out of the container. And that thing! No, there was some sort of wicked dance going on here. Why else would she be down here at all?

Athelwaite: But it doesn’t move! I don’t trust her. I’m going in.

Mabry: Athelwaite!

(It’s too late. Athelwaite makes his move. Mabry disrupts him and then the two chase one another around the worm and dead fisherman until each ends up staring at the other, exhausted, in respective corners.)

Mabry: (breathing hard) Just where did you come from? I don’t even know you.

Athelwaite: Yeah, you know me. You know me just fine.

Mabry: Listen, our guest…

Athelwaite: Our food…

Mabry: Our guest that looks like food here is in trouble and she needs help.

Athelwaite: Our food that looks like food is in trouble because I’m hungry.

Mabry: Our Guest that looks like food is in trouble and she needs help.

Athelwaite: Fine.

Mabry: You mean it?

Athelwaite: Yeah, fine, fine. Our guest that looks like trouble, I mean, food, I mean…whatever. Fine. Fine.

Mabry: I’m trusting you, Athelwaite.

Athelwaite: No, no, I’m good. I’m good. You’ll see.

Mabry: Okay, okay. I’ll see. Fine. I can live with that. Now just relax.

Athelwaite: I’m good. Had some algae a little while ago. Sterling. Just fine… Motherfucker…

Worm: Squeek, squeek, squeek

Mabry: (to the worm) No, my mother never allowed that either. Go away Athelwaite, just shoo.

Athelwaite: No, I’m good, right here. This is getting interesting.

Mabry: Okay. (to the worm) Then what happened?

Worm: Squeek squeek squeek squeek squeek squeek squeek squeek squeek squeek squeek squeek squeek squeek squeek squeek.

Mabry: Well, that makes sense, doesn’t it! (he looks at Athelwaite victoriously)

Athelwaite: Meh.

Worm: Squeek squeek squeek squeek squeek squeek squeek squeek squeek squeek squeek squeek squeek squeek squeek squeek. (Mabry begins to tear up) squeek squeek squeek squeek squeek squeek squeek squeek squeek squeek squeek squeek squeek squeek squeek squeek.

Athelwaite: (sarcastically) Oh, God.

(Mabry turns on him)

Mabry: Have you no soul!

(Athelwaite looks aside as though pondering this as Mabry bawls like a baby)

Worm: squeek, squeek, squeek, squeek

Athelwaite: Ah, Halibut, why don’t you two go get a lily pad.

Mabry: Shutup! I don’t care what you say. I’m going to save her. She just needs a little pull. Don’t you dare stop me, Athelwaite, I have been your friend through thick and thin, I’ve herded minnows, snails and who knows what else your way and this one is mine. She’s got to go home. If you dare, I swear…

Athelwaite: Fine. Fine. Fine! She’s all yours. Save her, Mabry, do your good deed. I won’t stop you.

(Mabry gets a strange look on his face, starts to shake in an odd way and suddenly moves towards the worm, but instead of extracting it from the hook, he suddenly turns and looks at Athelwaite.)

Mabry: (with a sly smile) Idiot.

He quickly gobbles the worm down with one bite. He is suddenly stuck. His eyes open wide in fear before he starts thrashing around in a panic. Athelwaite moves in closer, then turns and makes eye contact with the audience.

Athelwaite: Sucker.

He then begins to shake wildly before darting over to dine on the dead fisherman. Mabry continues to thrash around in a panic. (Lights)

Published in: on March 22, 2010 at 11:02 pm  Leave a Comment  

Now-Joey Kantor (fklc)


Published in: on March 16, 2010 at 3:23 am  Leave a Comment