From 101 of the least asked questions of all times

Why do intellectuals often think they’re smarter than circus clowns?


While circus clowns do not necessarily pride themselves on their intellectual prowess, they cannot be said to know less than intellectuals, whose assumption of superiority in itself would be an intellectual mistake.  This makes the score from the beginning of the debate 1-0: circus clowns.


Whereas a circus clown may not have read The Nichomachean Ethics, the intellectual has most likely never reduced a sad child to happy tears through the flapping of their size 26 boot. In each case a catharsis may be the possible result, yet whereas the circus clown does not judge results or knowledge according to intellect, but rather, to emotion, he can be said to know more depending upon his dedication to his craft, natural abilities and even age.



Why are NRA guys so into law and order yet cops hate their guts?


While it is true that the right to bear arms is in our constitution, it is also true that the founding fathers had not considered the fact that thirteen-year-old psychopaths in the future could find myriad ways to exercise their right at twenty to one hundred bullets per minute. Cops are well aware of this fact and therefore believe there should be limits on the types of guns to be sold and also stricter regulations concerning the sale. The NRA guys are also aware of this situation, an awareness which, for them, points right back to the constitution in the form of desire for self-protection and law and order. Unfortunately, the NRA guys cannot see banning any weapons at all for fear of blighting the holy words “right to bear arms.” Cops say that because of this cops die. Unfortunately, criminals also readily admit their love of this constitutional right as well. However, criminals will most likely never attack the NRA guy, (who is ready for him, but unfortunately lives far from the criminal, on his ranch in Texas) but will instead kill small children playing on their front porches from L.A. to New York City. Ultimately, the entire debate comes down to one other question: Do children really matter?



Why does the media believe that it is important for me to know that the President enjoyed a golf game yesterday?



The media will usually use the President’s golf game as a lead-in to what it wants to say about current events. However, this does not sufficiently explain why the camera or the writer’s pen or the photographer’s lens naturally finds the president swinging a four foot pole at a two inch ball relevant and a good place to start.


Two concepts may help to explain this. The “reeling-in”  and the “give the public a break” Ideas.


The former uses the golf game as backdrop because it does not expect the general public to pay attention to the intricate details of the story without first having a mental pacifier handed to them.


This “reeling in” leads the viewer by the hand to la la land where the under-lying message is coyly announced, for example, that the president is calm, cool, and collected, so “don’t worry when I tell you that he is on his way to prison for fraud, etc…”


This “give the public a break” technique is a sort of buffer between the story and what it really means, a public service to us from the media.


Combined, these two tricks of the trade lead to an intriguing story whereas there was previously only the possibility of a slightly different take on the never changing and endless stream of beaureaucratic red tape run amok that the journalist must call news or else lose his job.

Published in: on September 28, 2016 at 12:26 am  Leave a Comment  
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Fine, Great – a short short story by Albert Jones

“(moneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneynmoneymoneymoneymoneymoney) Fine, great, thanks for asking. How are you?”

Published in: on March 17, 2014 at 1:38 pm  Leave a Comment  

The FKLC – Joey Kantor

I’ve always felt bad that I can’t join movements very well. I was raised in a movement like environment; Jesus freaks. We were all supposed to believe in the exact same thing. But there was always this little concept of sin which took place and blew the shit out of everything. So I went and studied mythology to figure out what was bullshit and what wasn’t and when I was done I was supposed to be smart so I taught a class on mythology and on the last day NOBODY showed up. I can imagine them thinking of the money they wasted coming and listening to my sorry ass talk about mythology. I laugh now, but then it wasn’t funny. At least I got to go home early. The trouble is that I thought I was a good teacher. But I also thought that I was too young and subjective and unlearned in the subject to really give it a good college try. I’ve always believed that every level of education is important whether it’s pre school or post doctoral. So when I brumbled my way through that class and failed I reconsidered education. Maybe it’s not so easy to teach people. Then I started thinking that life is pretty futile sometimes. I guess I don’t want to be considered an existentialist because I think that others are thinking that I dwell too much on the “darker” side of existence. But existential”ism” isn’t just that. It is what we are. Who we are. We could love comic books or anchovie pizza and we would be living in the now when we are loving those things, so we should just do what we love. Another way is to just love. If you just love. Consciously make it so that you love life- you will “snap” out of the foggy haze when you need to and be able to laugh like the buddha. Do what you love and to love. Freud’s same conclusion.

If I were to work a job what would it be? I could work in mythology. What if I part-time it in religion? I’ve got a penchant for experimental writers. I could expand markets for magazines that I like. All I have to do is call up the magazines and ask them if they need to hire a local rep. But is this what I truly want to do? I guess in some ways it is. Society cannot nearly keep up with imagination. I have always known this and lived accordingly to often times miserable effect. Being po’ is hard. So, yeah, I’m a magazine representative. “You don’t look like a magazine representative” Yep, that’s me. I’m a magazine representative. “Margaret, you oughtta come out here and look at the magazine representative. You ever seen a magazine representative. Get the kids up. All of em!” So I figure the wife and kids all appear sleepy eyed and look me over and consider what I have become even comprehending slightly that I was or may possibly actually still be human. But that’s what I am. Now I just have to go out and get the job.

I’m seeing dollar signs fly around my head. They make my world spin. They represent something that I never thought they would: safety. I must be in trouble.

Poetry is done for free. Dollars kill poetry signs. Poetry signs kill dollars. It is scientifically proven. Even Ramco Laboratories have done studies on it.

What else can I do? I can drive tourists around.

I Walk proudly through the streets selling _______ Magazine. There are more ramblings to go. Old poetry is dead. New is new. Skimmed tophats brimmed. Welcome to the unctious point of utter bitter resolved end. Your lessons of poetry, word; skipping laws: period, pen. Black ink
need not touch me for you to know that I would make a good employee selling your magazines. I enclose my resume only. I do not fill out applications. However, I will gladly give you any information you may feel the need to know.


Dormus P. Calhoun New Vision Entertainment and Publication Services

We are, by design, corporate creatures. The corporation incorporates all elements together to form one seemingly perfect whole. If only it had more of a conscience mechanism built into it. It is like truly building the perfect beast. We cannot help but program our own psychological problems into technical memory. For this reason New Vision Entertainment and Publication Services consisting of, solely, Dormus P. Calhoun, owner, works only with corporations that understand my desire to remain independent. You’ll see results.

Dormus P. Calhoun Unit Manager, first president, bard, loon, blowhard goon yet owner of New Vision Entertainment and Publication Services.

First thing i’ve got to do is get cards made of new vision. Then i’ve got to send them to all of the movies being made telling them what I can do for them…
Insults are in the punctuation.

Things I can do for the movies:

1. Watch.
2. Be a p.a. and act like i’m doing things.
3. Drive their things around in a van, a slightly elevated P.A.
4. Eat.
5. Be late.
6. Hate the boss.
7. Hate myself for my rotten life.
8. Come around.
9. Rethink the whole thing.

Published in: on September 29, 2009 at 12:08 am  Leave a Comment  
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