The Fargo Kantrowitz'z Literary Campsite

10
What can I say about living with The Lady? Isabella Brown is one of those people who doesn’t demand from you. They talk about Mother Earth, well, I would call her Mother Air. She floated. She was a witch deep down I think. She held you in her grip, in her sex, in her drugs, in her ability to make you believe that hers was the only real world. And she was right, at least when you are a true believer in heroin. It’s like you are placed inside of a bubble far away from the real world and in this bubble is everything spiritual, but it is all fake. If we weren’t high we couldn’t even talk to each other. I don’t have any idea what we would say. She didn’t ever let the world touch her,. She must have had it so hard her whole life, been fucked up on drugs for so long that, for The Lady, there was no more world. It all happened in the mind. It was like she was plugged in, tuned in, as they say, to everything that was mysterious. She was a liquid, flowing substance, a soothing crutch. I lived with her. I slept with her. I was her man so to speak. But during it all there was a reluctance. Everything about our relationship was a lie and that was okay as long as we stayed on our magic carpet ride. Heroin takes you to different places, different stages. You can go so far into yourself that you don’t need anybody. But when those moments of the day arrive where you start thinking for yourself and the world, you realize, is shit, it was a good thing to have her warm, black skin next to mine, to look into her eyes and believe that love still existed on this planet. You just had to tell yourself that what you were feeling proved the existence of love. You didn’t need to beileve that it was love between you and The Lady for love it wasn’t.

The Lady was a magnet. She had everything you needed. By getting into herion in the first place you are telling yourself that you don’t need the shit parts of life anymore. Once you plunge that needle into your arm you are taken someplace that no life experiences can ever touch. You feel, you see, but in a way that doesn’t feel or see. It is a magical existence. This magic provides you with a feeling of power and well-being and the further that you go into it the more you realize that there is no way to trace your steps back out. There is no reason to, especially if you are in the state of mind that I was. When you want to die you’ll accept heaven without having to lose your body for as long as you can. Whenever I wanted to die was whenever I realized that I had forsaken Moxy. Jed

11
I was very confused by which area I should go into. Then I found myself being more and more involved with people who were rejected by society, with, I’d say, drug addicts, alcoholism, battered this, battered that-and I found an affinity there. Lady Di – BBC Interview – 1995