The Fargo Kantrowitz'z Literary Campsite

You know, I’m not supposed to be like this. I was a good kid. I had good friends, some of whom I abandoned after I went on my wild ride through the contours of the mind. How many of my friends went on to get a Masters in Mythological Studies like me? Zero. Of course they wouldn’t. Most people wouldn’t even deign think about the world of the myths in a concerted way. I don’t feel stupid for that, but I do know that I am stupid for that, for while I was thinking about dreaming, dreams and the mythology that helped spur them and were spurred by them, everybody else was out making a living, becoming something that would make them a living, while me? I’m sitting around here editing fludthezone.com like some shmuck, but you know, we’re not all that of a nothing anymore.

 I’ve been using Guy Fusted now for a while as an interviewer and he’s brought us some real notoriety. His interview with George Santos was the first one after that blowhard started blowing hard, cornered him in a booth in an Italian dive in Brooklyn. Guy’s from Brooklyn, but he’s old school Brooklyn. He said he doesn’t even know what avocado toast is even though I’ve seen him trying it off the plate of our stringer, Susie Henderson. Susie is all business, but she is a bit of a foodie and me and her and Guy and Randy, my business partner who does the hard stuff, deals with money, while I act circumspect about a world gone mad but in public, God save me, were dining at Dino’s and what the fuh, guy eating Susie’s avocado toast.

Yeah, Guy liked the avocado toast even though he said he didn’t know what it is. I wouldn’t say Guy lies, but he’s honest in a way. If he said he didn’t know what avocado toast is then he probably forgot that day with Susie and how he just dipped it into his mouth in one fell swoop. Probably didn’t even realize he was eating avocado toast, the stupid fuck.

But Guy is ready for anything. Guy is going to have a regular feature for his interviews on the Flud the Zone channel on Youtube. Gonna talk about his foray into Russian society, pulled from the street in Moscow to interview Vladimir Putin, getting the interview of the year all while under the banner fludthezone.com m*th#rf*ck#r! That one really put Flud the Zone on the map, that one, Putin, can you imagine, although the one about Guy’s fart while sitting in the reporter’s pool at a Ron DeSantis presser got international coverage, including a full write up by Joel Steinberg, formerly of LOOK Magazine. Big time. So, I’ve got a say, somehow, too. Me. Can you imagine.

 A guy who gets a degree in mythology. A guy who worked as a reporter and then a novelist without getting published and then this Flud the Zone dot com, if you know what I mean. Why would providence unleash me on to the world? Can’t figure it out.  I’m sure you don’t get it. You’re clueless about my workings, as Alaina, Guy’s wife, once said about him. You’re clueless, Guy! Yeah, he was clueless, but then he got used to his wife doing rounds over at the English department of the community college, hey, boy, can you buy me a muffin, and that Alaina, she always got her muffin, and so did the sophomore future English major, oh boy, did he ever. Everyone is clueless, really. Nobody really knows what’s going on.

 But Guy is good with it all, easygoing. Thinks it’s all his fault Alaina cheats because he’s a bad provider. Before doing Flud the Zone interviews, which is making him and me some good clank, finally, he was sending out pieces to Rolling Stone and ___Boy Magazine (I should know, my brother, a real fuckup, is the editor in chief of ___Boy Magazine and he’s a ___Boy just like me! What the fuh?

Nobody will ever know or understand the mysteries of people’s minds, and I always  choose to go into them, especially after they proclaim things to be super stupid and therefore reach for succor from something even more stupid because they figure it all must be like reverse psychology, so if you let the stupider stupid person take charge then somehow stupidity will grind to a halt and we will all be thrown out of the wagon so at least we will have our bearings, at least we will know up from down, but Goddammit, that’s wrong.

 All that does is overthrow the bones of the governmental mechanism. Thieves do this to come back as the re-ordererer and it won’t be Democracy, but this shtick: EVERYTHING IS MINE AND I WILL ____ YOU IF YOU CONSIDER THINGS ANY DIFFERENT. THIS IS AN _______ NOTICE TO ANYBODY WHO STANDS IN MY WAY. In other words: F*scism. Trump toots about arresting his enemies all of the time. That’s nearly the definition of fascism. He’s laying it all out in the open in full golden majesty.

Okay, fascism, everybody is talking about fascism. This is the sort of thing us English majors will think about when we grow up because we realize that fascism is the natural result of the stupidest of the stupidest of the stupidest stupidity and that is what we are facing now:     THEY ARE EATING DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!!!

Get it? Good. Don’t vote Trump. Not a good idea. The man isn’t well. I wouldn’t say that he is a monster in the typical sense, but he is the more likely purrerrer, the one who silkily mewls into your ear about his beauty, him, golly, him.

Remember his notion about how beautiful he looks in a bathing suit on the beach? Remember that picture he painted for us about his beautiful body? I like that. I like that a lot. I like to think of Donald Trump as that beautiful man rolling around in the waves wearing nothing but his speedos, the sunset behind him, not a beautiful girl around to complement his male majesty, just him, just his beautiful body there in the twilight. God, that would be great, wouldn’t it?

That’s what I would do if I were a MAGA. I would allow myself to love every other MAGA to my fullest extent, give myself sexually to their women who were willing so as procreation can be expanded, anything for Trump. I will fuh my way to Donald J. Trump, I will fuh my way into the world of great and all-encompassing love. Be gone excess people! Be gone ye poor and downtrodden and shithole people, be gone! For I, Donald John Drumpf, am here and you may rest, but, er, just not around me, for one thing I do hate and despise are simple flies that go round and round your head, simple flies, and I look around and I look for the person who could have been responsible for these purple flies and I see nobody but myself and up above me, God, it was God, it was God who hated my guts, and I knew that he had every right to send that fly to stand on my head as though I were not an animal, but a God as well, a God to that fly. But I could never be. To God I was unworthy as a fly. And He was right.

Poor Trump. He doesn’t know that to be unworthy before your personal God (an old-fashioned notion I know) is what Christianity is! Christianity is knowing that you are not worthy and bowing down to God’s wisdom and when Jesus came along, presto, Love was added to the mix!  That’s why all of these MAGA Christians may be straying from Christianity, perhaps without even knowing it, for they are hollow gongs, because they do not have love.

How do you get love? According to Jesus Christ, anybody can get love simply by bowing down before it, just as God would have you do instead of simply worshipping Him with awe. He wanted you to worship Love, so much so that he gave his only begotten Son, so when you see the Love offering made by his Son for you, you bow down to it to receive it, you don’t try to get around it and say that this type of person or those types of people are not included in who we are because to do so would be to distrust love and if you distrust love then you distrust God and therefore are a sinner. This is actually the process of being born again, not not a big deal in American Christianity, and it’s good that people start remembering it a little bit more. Maybe there is a reason for it and maybe it is in order to enact Love. Love can save your life, keep your spirit from spiraling down into a black hole.

 Jesus even said to love your enemy, and that is why Israel right now, currently and often increasing militaristic bets, has effectively nixed considering the notion of love at all, and we Americans are not used to it so blatantly paraded before our faces; the sheer horror wrought by our own American-made bombs. The sheer un-love of it all.

 When you see numbers like 16,000 children dead, 16,000 orphaned teddy bears, you have to wonder about how all of the talk about bombing civilians, as we always did in the past, somehow is not supposed to matter now. What’s up?

 This is knocking love out of the game altogether. It is Old Testament destruction sh*t and we’re in 2024, 2024 years after Jesus Christ commanded us to love. It’s stupid that grown-ups are doing this. For the price of the bombs, I could build all of the housing needed in Gaza so that it could become more of a civilized place by looking up how to do it on Google.

 What if Israel could meet the issue with love? Just think about the money that could be saved if we just helped the Palestinians and abolished the Israeli version of apartheid so that Palestinians themselves could easily stare down their own bulldogs.

 And with that, the lullaby for the evening is complete.

CORRECTION:

 Apparently, my reference to the relationship between Guy and Alaina Fusted was in error. Flud the Zone dot com in no way proposes that the Fusted’s marriage is on the rocks. Fludthezone.com apologizes for the error and has removed said commentary from all future European media distributions although those here in the United States cannot be taken down, for which we apologize once again.  Sol Lebinowitz– Managing Editor